Articles

Living in 8 Bits: Super Realtor Bros


I just got off the phone with a client about a fire you two started. Which client call about the fire? There was more than one? Brother! I mean, do you have any new jobs for us? I should fire you two doofus’ but I’m in a jam and this is my last resort. The office at sun realty came down with contagious explosive something! I don’t remember. Anyway, they need interns. Literally any human body to hand out flyers. Here we — No! You two are like a monkey’s paw, so let me clarify. No making any deals. No selling houses. No taking anybody’s money. No fires! Don’t even speak! Just hand out flyers and smile. Got it? Of course! You act like we can’t find our own — Where are we? I don’t know. It looks like a Halloween party. The tornado must have dropped us off at the wrong place. But we used a the GPS. Oh! Well, I guess I can’t read. – Too Many Games! Too Many Games! Too Many Games! – – The Game Chasers, Alpha Omega Sin, and 8 Bit Eric Panel is happening right now in Panel A! – Immediately following is RetrowareTV and the Video Game Years Live! Here! Take this! It’ll change your life! Fool me once, Scientology! Brother, is it something we’re doing wrong? No, it’s these flyers. Look. I mean who would buy a time share with Flo Rida? Yeah, I like his catchy beats but I don’t think he’d make a good roommate. And this isn’t even right because the sun, she chase you around everywhere. Yeah, and all the quicksand and that Phanto that stalk you when you take a his key. Why you a take his key? It’s a key! I see a key. I take a key! Look Brother, we going to fix this. We going to give them the best real tours ever! Yahoo! I don’t think the lady will like this. Oh, look at this Brother. Look at this location! Perfect! Yeah, I think that works! Here we go! Yeah. It’s so nice that nobody was here already. What are you selling real estate? Are we? Yes. Yes! Well, tell me more about the Mushroom Kingdom. Oo, it’s a wonderful land. When you first arrive, all the rolling hills it’s a like they a smiling at you! And a the trees smile at you and the clouds when they’re not throwing spiked armadillos at you and they smile a too! In fact it’s like the whole world is watching you. Secretly. All the time. And there’s nothing you can do about it. But to keep running. -We should go.
-Walk briskly. Was it a something I said? Brother! Why you do that with the flash light? I’m sorry. It’s a kind of my only friend. Excuse me, this house says it costs nine nine nine. Nine nine nine what? Gold coins! What am I? The King of Spain? Who has gold coins? Well, I do! – Turtles.
– Goombas. – Boxes.
– Lakitus Gophers. Sometimes they just float in the air, too! Most things seem to have coins if you hit them hard enough. Oh Iceland! Do you have any property with the view of the Aurora Borealis? Oh no, not Iceland. Ice Land. It’s a only ice. You slip on it and if you can’t stop you slide off the edge of the world and fall down forever screaming. Oh, but the penguins. They are so cute. Oh. It’s wonderful. Have you ever been chased by a really big fish? You should see the flying fish. They jump like a two hundred feet. – It’s amazing!
– Yeah! I do like laying pipe. Are the pipes clean? It’s a wonderful experience. Right. Well lubricated! What do you think? So I’m not really sold on the underground sewer property. But tell more about the Cheep Cheep Bridge. Well, ironically it’s not very cheap. I a have no idea what they call it that in fact. So is everything in this land trying to kill you? For the most part! That seems exceedingly dangerous. Is that a real tanooki? Aren’t they like sort of endangered? No, its not a real tanooki. PETA was all over us for that. So what’d you make it out of? You know it’s better to not ask questions about the tanooki anymore. * Phone Rining * Promoto Agency. Jenna Sullivan. – Sullivan! Get your ass down here right now! – Son of a… I think this is really good. Hey! Did you really sell my girlfriend a time share in the Kalamari Desert? Is this a joke?! Oh well, I, uhh… How’s the school district at the Banshee Boardwalk? It’s uhhh…. Does the Watermelon Festival at Gelato Beach — which sounds lovely, by the way — really contain thirty foot tall rolling watermelons that can crush us?! I mean, how will this affect my homeowner’s insurance? That’s a good question. * Angry Mob Chatter * What is going on here? What are you two doing? Where did you even get this? All right, that’s it. Show’s over. Everybody out! But I want to learn about Purple Poison Water Land! Then go back to New Jersey! Out! So I’m sitting in my office thinking even you two idiots could handle this job. And then I get a call from a very irate lawyer informing me of possible fraud due to a pyramid scheme. And here’s the kicker. Somebody was selling an actual pyramid! Not really the pyramid. It comes with the desert. No, no, no, no! Taking a chance on you two was the worst idea I’ve had in a career of bad ideas! I’m done! You’re fired! She’s a right. Finding us a job is a bad idea. Brother! You and I, we’re full of bad ideas! Yes, a rub it in! No! That’s it! Yahoo! How are ya? Sorry. Okay. Okay. What is this? Hello, Princess! We decide you right! You said you have lots of bad ideas. We also have lots of bad ideas. So we find a job we qualify for. Yours! So! Who’s next? What you do? Put the staple.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back To Top